Last night, I had several dreams. Three out of four of which I would like to share briefly, because of their profundity. However before I do so I want to explain how you can choose which dreams to focus on and then interpret for yourself. It’s all about the feels. If you feel deeply in a series of dreams and you can recall all of them, congratulations! You are most likely on your way to lucid dreaming if you don’t already dream lucidly often. That’s awesome! If you are interested in them enough to give them more thought through interpretation choose the dreams that have the most profoundly emotional impact on you upon waking. Don’t worry about the order in which you remember them, just write them down and make sure to get as much detail as possible about the ones that affected you the most. Consciously, the order doesn’t matter, because you are still dealing with them and they are most likely several different subjects. With that in mind, I’ll share mine with you.
Remember that I am sharing these dreams, because I care about dreams and not because this is a diary. I also share these dreams in hopes that you will become interested in dreaming and work with your dreams or allow me to teach you about them. I am seriously passionate about dreaming as I am with everything and everyone that I love. I hope you feel that when you read what I write on this blog. There is only so much that I can do with a bunch of thought out letters, but I will give it my best shot.
Dream #1: Hospitals and Self-Love
I had a dream that I was in a Big Lots sized health food store and I bought art supplies combined with makeup in a kit for a male friend of mine. We are not extremely close, but we know each other enough for me to say friend. Somehow he became interested in the supplies I bought for him and then uninterested in them. I told him I would take the makeup which he smiled about and he told me he didn’t need help with art supplies. I became comically offended that he didn’t want it. “It was $9! It was on sale! I was just trying to be good to you!” (haha) He then asked me how I was doing and I told him a short sob story complete with tears. He hugged me sincerely and then took my mandala that I’ve been embroidering lately, but it wasn’t the same one. He ended up taking the art supplies when he was done shopping anyway. When I got home and got on the computer, I was on Facebook and found a series of pictures he had taken of himself with the mandala I made tattooed on his chest and a different woman named Joy was tagged. Another man who I won’t name sat there telling me how much I wasn’t loved by the friend who tattooed my art on his chest, but the tone felt as thought he didn’t believe anyone could care about me.
This dream seems pretty bad and weird, but it was actually pretty self-loving. I am afraid of hospitals and the waiting around that I’ve done in the city nearby reminded me of that. Mostly because the same safe, but dragging feeling comes from the waiting I’ve had to do at hospitals being sick for half of my life with Endometriosis. I’ve totally abandoned conventional treatment of it because it was poisoning me. I’ve dealt with it in my diet for two years now, but a cycle of two weeks of energy, one week of being utterly destroyed and barely alive and one week of recovery is not worth it anymore. I need to get some help. Also, it told me a lot about my perceptions of my ability as an artist are connected to my femininity, that the Christian worldview I grew up with doesn’t suit me anymore and that I may have a better friend than I knew in myself and possibly this guy in real life. The tattoo that represents peace over his heart may also mean that I will help him somehow in the future or that I will have his support when I come out of this hospital experience. While it is easier to empower those who empower themselves how that translates to the other guy it’s time to do some soul searching or have a talk. If you are sick, please do everything in your power to get informed. Even if it seems like the end, you never know what can happen.
Dream #2: Heart for the Homeless and Feminism or is that a Mask?
I was in an apartment complex that had four floors. I was in charge of vacating all the people by order or their landlord because they were somehow going to remove the second floor to meet a fire code. Those codes are a bigger deal out here with wildfires and such everywhere. All of these people who lived here had been there for a long time and some of them would have to be uprooted forever. I felt so much guilt and pain and knew completely how they felt with an incredible weight. I tried to overlook it, knowing that there were bigger plans for them from this same landlord and kept walking blindly back and forth hoping to get through to these people to leave (by the way, I’m having a really hard time not bawling my eyes out whilst writing this part). The 11th Doctor-yes, from Doctor Who- and Karen Gillan as Amy Pond were among the crowd. Matt Smith looked me in the eyes and said, “Are you sure you feel that way? Would you really do that to these people? They’ve lived here there whole lives.” I fell to pieces and I’m doing that right now, too. The Doctor and Amy rushed to me and that dream ended.
This dream was entirely me dealing with what I was passionate about before and how I wasn’t living according to what I truly believed in order to help the homeless and apparently women, too. You see I came to an internship that was forming a non-profit and one of the goals of this non-profit was to uproot about half of the people living in the housing and integrate them into town with Section-8 vouchers and the houses that they left behind were to be given to the homeless who entered into our program to become self-sufficient and eventually turn out integrated into the town. The thing is, it was basically going to be by force with a smile. This dream was begging me to remember who I care about and that I didn’t have to be forever shamed because of this non-profit. I basically forgave myself in dream and tried to empower myself to make a change without possibly making more people homeless in the process. I’ve recently adopted the name Reenah as a declaration that I will have joy “dancing and singing in victory” from the day I adopted the name. I want to be happy dancing because the homeless have shelter and women are equal and free everywhere.
Dream #3: Sometimes it’s OK to Get Carried Away
I had a dream that I was at this river, but the river was a part of the city. It was beautiful and clear and I couldn’t help myself and I jumped into it. I was wearing a full fall coat and felt like a BAMF. When I jumped in I wasn’t realizing that it was a strong current and that I couldn’t swim. In real life I’m only able to doggie paddle (“what?!”, I know), but for some reason even though I was scared at first I just did it. I paddled as hard as I could and grabbed some driftwood. I hopped up on it and coasted. A lot of people had come to the water to watch this crazy woman float to her death, because I was on my way to a drop. At an angle the drop seemed to be perilously long. I floated there thinking of my best friend Amber and how she had been such a help to me that day because she had given me advice. I thought of how true of a friend she was and I felt comforted in that. So I happily coasted to seeming doom. There was a guy I knew in college who had been somewhat involved with the homeless outreach that I was a part of and he stood there in judgment of me. He said, “you’re just gonna fall to your doom!?!?” and I yelled back, “Yep! I don’t care!”. Hilariously, I came to the drop and it was only a slightly steep rapid that was somehow amazingly gentle. No one had ever tried going past this drop and as soon as I came up ok on the other side people voluntarily started jumping in while the guy just shook his head and left town.
This is amazing for me, because it proves to me that religious views are the only driving force to do good in the world. Also, real friends will support you and give you unconditional love whoever you decide to be. You won’t have to fit their understanding, but they will tell you when you are being great much more than they will try to point out how awful you are for your mistakes. This guy openly accused me wearing homelessness as if I were it’s face and trying to make it my image. Obviously, that guy could never understand my inner workings and goings on, and pretending to care about me by calling me out publicly in Jesus name instead of trying to understand me and talk it out with me in person is another reason why Christianity just sits nasty with me. You can say you are a follower of Jesus all you want, but the moment you try to humiliate someone instead of truly care for someone you have shown who the issue is really about and it’s not them.
Anyway, my best friend called out all of my shit when I was in the midst of that and she was more understanding of me during that time then anyone has ever been and still is. It’s better to have one true friend that hundreds of acquaintances. Plus, why do I have to prove my worth to anyone? What if I surprise you by not giving a shit about what you think and yet still accomplish everything I set out to do to better this world in the name of no one and no diety and for the people? What happens then?
Well, anypants, thanks for reading! Sweet Dreams!
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